Mid-sweet talk; newspaper word cut-outs.

There’s a very subtle difference now between your dreams as you experience them and what you actually share with someone else. It’s easy to appear transparent but there is more happening than meets the eye. It’s not that you are hiding anything; it’s just that your words do not quite describe your feelings, which can be based upon a metaphysical concept that is difficult to explain. Don’t try too hard, or you’ll just make the situation more confusing. LEO, Monday, April 27, 2009

I dont know why, this just creeped me out. I was never the one to follow horoscopes religiously but when they somehow link to what’s actually happening in my life, I go kazzam.

I want to come back home into your arms. The thing I miss the most is staring into your blue eyes as your face breaks into my favorite smile. There’s no one else who can make my heart stop and race at the same time. The security in your arms, the heaven in your kisses, the warmth in your touch, the serenade of your voice…these are among the things I long for every single day. It’s hard, it crushes my heart everytime I reach out for you and you’re miles away. But your love, our love, is keeping me strong. I know that one day we can finally have it all - start our lives together and we’d never have to be apart again. I’ll never falter, we’ll never break, because you keep my heart beating and you’re the reason why I keep going. Tears come and go just because my heart aches for you, but I can wait forever. I will wait until I am back home, in your arms, in your embracing kisses, in the warmth of the only being that makes me whole. I wouldn’t have it any other way - if I have to go through hell just so we can finally have our life together, I will. You are my life now, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Remember, I am always, always with you…and nothing, not even pain or time, can make me give up on you, on us. You deserve all that I am, you have all of me. Your love keeps me strong and it makes me realize that our love is bigger than the trials ahead of us. Come home soon love, I’ll be waiting.

So there, was planning to see J tomorrow. It’s something I’ve been looking forward to the entire week, the thing that kept me going. Then I get a call from him, telling me not to come out there anymore because it’d be impossible for us to spend time with each other.

It was like BAM. My soul and spirits hit the ground and I started crying. We were apart for 8 months, spent four days together and we didnt even say our proper goodbyes last Sunday night because we thought we’d be seeing each other again tomorrow. And now I’m just upset and disappointed and I cant even use words to describe it, and shit knows when we’ll be seeing each other again. Five months if we’re lucky. It’s just torture and it breaks my heart. It’s depressing, but what can I do? Sulking wont bring him here. But life must go on, this was never supposed to be easy. I should focus on my upcoming visa interview and pray that I will get out of here and start my life independently soon. I know we’ll get through, that we’re stronger than anything else, but for the meantime, let me cry my heart out because I long for him, I miss him and I just want to be in his arms right now.

Four wonderful days.

I’m back at home and I’m already feeling sad. Gah. I’ll be seeing Justin again on Friday. I just got so used to waking up at the hotel and seeing him at nights that I really want to do nothing but sleep until Friday. I feel like if I do something else, the memories I had these past four days would go away. I dont know how I’ll be able to cope tonight until Friday now that I’m back at home, back to reality. I miss him already. I miss him and I can only dwell on the wonderful memories we made last week until I see him again. I dont want to sound dramatic, but I really feel as if my heart’s being held so tightly, I just want to close my eyes and stop seeing everything else. I want to be back there. It’s like I cant breathe because it’s longing to be with him again. He left his shirt with me and I look like a crazy retardess because all I want to do is to smell it. I know that when I say goodbye to him on the 30th, it’ll be much more heartbreaking. After this month, we wont be seeing each other again until September. Ahh, no. Must not dwell on sad things. Happy thoughts…rainbows, kisses, cuddles and sweets. No one said this was going to be easy, but we work on it every single day, and I’ve never been happier.

I love him so much. Four wonderful days :) I will find some way to survive until Friday. Hello Tumblr. I’ll be back with posts soon, probably when I get over this feeling of hating to be back at home. Meh.